My incredible family from the United States came to visit me, a priceless experience and one I’ll never be able to thank them enough for. Below is a piece they wrote up about the Peace Corps experience thus far from their perspective. Enjoy!
When Joel first told us that he wanted to go into the Peace Corps, we had all kinds of questions and fears such as “where would he be?” (you can’t pick an area), “what would he be doing?” (you don’t pick your area of action, they decide after your interview where you are best suited), “what kinds of diseases and dangers would he be exposed to?” Once he was further along in the process, he was given very detailed information for him, and a very thorough reading for families; which answered a lot but scared us too because it was very honest about how difficult it would be, how they would get physically sick, so overwhelmed trying to learn the language, what diseases he would be exposed to, what vaccines he would need and the diseases there were no vaccines for nor were there medicines to prevent or cure. Peace Corps warned he would get very homesick, he would not receive mail or packages timely (or at all) and communication via internet was iffy at best. Probably the hardest piece was the amount of time (27 months) as that seems such a long time so we decided early on we would travel to him after he was there a year, this helped to break it down psychologically.
His lips were a little dry
The questions we did not contemplate were if Joel was strong enough (he’s done multi-day adventure races), if he was determined enough (he thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail), if he was crazy enough (he was a lacrosse goalie), if his heart was big enough to selflessly give up the comforts of home to help others (we knew he fully understood the difference between wants and needs; he also genuinely wanted to know about people and form relationships that may help them and in the process, himself to grow as well). So he was the constant we knew and had to rely on in preparing while the rest of the world was the unknown and scary part. I also rely heavily on my faith, talking to God and praying for Joel’s journey and those involved in it such as his families, other volunteers and health center staff.
As it got closer, we all had a lot of dreams, anxiety and worry about his send off and time away. For two days before he flew, I vacillated between giggling with him about something and tears running down my face uncontrollably. As the five of us stood in Joel’s kitchen placing our hands and arms over each other’s with our peace bracelets on in the middle of the night, I knew my family would not feel complete again for a very long time. A low point was the day he told me his first training family lost their little girl some years ago, aged five, to dengue fever, it made it so real and scary. They were incredibly patient and good to him as he attempted the language, adjusted to new food and cultural norms and provided a very good transition from our world to the more primitive permanent site for the next two years. He didn’t get as sick as we thought the first month which helped. Three months in was a particularly hard time for me as the reality was sinking in of him not being there for his birthday, the upcoming holidays etc. but as he did better so did we. I try to focus on the help he is giving, the incredible experience he is learning from instead of how much I am missing him. Skyping helped immensely because we could not hear him well on a very expensive long distance phone call; besides, seeing him gave us a better indication of how much weight he was losing and his emotional/physical state. Brendan and Chelsea (our other two children) came in the wee hours or spent the night to be there for his chats as they are priceless to all of us. A highlight was skyping with him sitting in a field before sunrise as we sat surrounding his face at Nanny’s dining room table with my husband’s family and the Cole side (my family) dressing up for him in costumes during their Christmas celebration. Very difficult times were losing my father and Joel not being able to be physically present. He was, however, with my Dad as I read Joel’s most touching letter of thanks and love to him in the hospital. My Dad read and re-read his blog, enjoying every word and picture with incredible pride. When Joel left he also knew that our fifteen year old “puppies” would likely not be here when he came back, so every time we skyped we tried to show him them and prepare him about their conditions. Bosco, our little Jack Russell with a very big presence and personality went to heaven the week before our trip to see Joel. We took pictures of his last days (eating ice cream, Chinese and cupcake) along with his gravestone we made to share with Joel.
Planning the trip was stressful but six months out we finally booked our hotels and flights so that helped us all to know we would be together soon. Six weeks before the trip, Joel texted “bad news, Thailand enacted Martial Law and Peace Corps will not let me go there”. After a week of crazy anxiety and researching, we changed our hotel and all our flights to include four days in DaNang, Vietnam (instead of Thailand) after four days in Cambodia because there was no way we were going there WITHOUT HIM! We had already received 4-6 vaccines a piece so we had to double check we were still covered and luckily we were. We flew from Baltimore to Los Angeles, then to Seoul, Korea and then to Siem Reap, Cambodia. Chelsea made us a check off sheet and itinerary to help visualize and get through the 33 hours of travel there and 45 home. Normal travel stress is compounded at each step hoping no problems with baggage, boarding passes, visas, passports because language ineptness on our part complicates matters. I’m sure we looked like a motley crew as we came out searching the faces of tuk tuk drivers and finally after exactly one year, Joel steps up with a sign that said “The Flying Ford’s” with pictures for each of us that the kids made earlier with him. Such tears of joy and no better birthday present than to eat wonderful ramen noodles by the river, prepared by a street vendor (for a dollar) with my whole family at 2AM after a very exciting tuk tuk ride through the streets of Siem Reap. Actually it took two tuk tuks to fit all five of us and all our suitcases! My husband is six foot, three inches tall so when we were on a walk-about he would draw a lot of attention for being a huge, freak of nature!
On Mom’s birthday, eating noodles at 2:00 in the morning.
We took mosquito nets because he wanted us to spend a night in his village. At first we did not want to impose on his family but we are so grateful now that Joel talked us into it and we had that experience and time with them. We got up very early to go buy treats and fruit at the market for when visitors would come to meet us at 8AM after our beautiful early morning tuk-tuk ride to his village. As beautiful as the Vietnam beach resort was, the highlight for all of us was meeting Joel’s family and villagers, seeing his home, the garden he planted, his health center and staff, meeting his tutor and her mother and sitting with his students helping them practice their English. After leaving the city traffic and dust, I understood what Joel meant when he said “Siem Reap is like Disney World, this is the real Cambodia”. The rice fields dotted with cows were so gorgeous, not a regular green but almost a shimmery lime green – very peaceful once we left the city of Siem Reap. Don’t get me wrong – I also really enjoyed Siem Reap, especially the incredible temples and history, but seeing the fields and countryside felt peaceful and calming. The temples and land surrounding them were so awesome, very inspiring to see, even in the pouring down rain. We had been practicing our Khmer thank you’s, hellos and goodbyes plus asking Joel questions about etiquette (taking shoes off, not touching opposite sex, etc.). We wanted so badly not to offend anyone, wanted to try everything and get across our deep appreciation to them. The children had made a great welcome sign, Mom laid out mats which we sat on and started to visit with our guests through our master interpreter (Joel). It is hard to express the emotions of pride, love and gratefulness as his villagers and family told us how good his Khmer language is, how much he teaches them and how hard he works at learning to plant rice, eat their foods, etc. Many came from far away which touched him, letting him know he is doing something right in forming relationships which are the basis for influencing positive perceptions about Americans and advancing their health initiatives. To look down the road and see Chelsea riding bikes with the kids and then see in the distance Brendan surrounded by children looking at a critter, I was proud of them for being brave enough to go off with the kids and somehow communicate and play with the children on their own without Joel to interpret, we really were in awe of how he managed in the beginning without much language much less no electric, walls, internet, toilet paper, etc.
Bren wandering with some village kids
The heat is intense and when I heard the rooster crow, figuring it was 6 am or so I thought it was morning but no it was only about 2 a.m., and then it kept doing it for hours. This made me want to cry as I laid there and wondered how he managed without much sleep – he assured me the next day that from day one he has slept like a rock because between concentrating on the language and all the things he is learning, doing, seeing he is totally exhausted. He sleeps right on through the roosters till the sun comes up. Joel’s mother is extremely hard working, at 4 am we saw her butchering a chicken for our breakfast porridge which was delicious. Before the sun was up she was sweeping the dirt driveway of debris and had chopped and cooked food for us and the food stall, helped take care of the new baby…you get the idea, she doesn’t stop night and day. We were lucky enough to see a customer come with rice to be broken down in Dad’s machine, very interesting set up, his family has worked hard to own the food stall and rice machine. We loved meeting his sister, brother-in-law, new baby girl, brother who is 16, all of his aunts, uncles, grandmother, cousins and the special friends of all ages he enjoys. We heard so many times “everyone knows Joel, his Khmer (language) is very good”. Especially high praise from his health center doctor who just retired, Joel thinks very highly of him and we could tell it was mutual, what an honor for him to spend time with us!
Brendan the tuk-tuk driver
While we noticed many differences in every day realities and choices available, we saw very similar family bonds to our extended families but then you add in neighbors, a police chief who came and spent the night under us in a hammock to make sure we were okay, villagers and health folks from neighboring villages and you see they have the most important things. Despite their families and country having experienced the most horrendous suffering at the hands of the Khmer Rouge not that long ago, they are such friendly and hospitable people who truly look out for one another and come together to help when needed. When we were leaving I was overcome with emotions of gratitude for where he landed (Cambodia) and more specifically, love for his family and villagers who have taken Joel into their homes and hearts.
With the jet lag we were all pretty tired by the time we left for his school in late afternoon but seeing him interact with his students and hearing their questions revived us all – it was spectacular! I will never forget looking down from Joel’s house onto the scene of Jeff, Brendan and Chelsea playing four square with all the kids – some things are universal and even without knowing the words, the laughing and teasing was priceless! Later playing swizzle sticks (a game we have played for years in restaurants and Nan’s holiday table where you put your straw or finger on a glass and take turns guessing how many will remain, if you guess right you are out and won’t be the last person to have to do some embarrassing or awful thing like eat bowl of onions or have ham slapped on your face which is decided before joining the game) and a gentle hand slap game of reflexes with the kids. It was so clear to see the joy and love he brings to these children on a daily basis…and they to him!
Brendan making friends
Dad dropping knowledge
A romping game of Ford-square (4-square)
Mom and Chels playing the reflex slap game before bed.
Games before bed
K’nick lost and had to dance
Being able to meet Joel’s other Peace Corps volunteers, his family and see his life in Cambodia helped us all feel more connected and a part of his experience. Now when he is talking about people and places we can picture them or ask about them personally. We have a new found understanding of what it is like to be strangers in a foreign country where you don’t know the language, culture or your way around but remember we had each other and Joel to help us every step of the way – he did not have anyone!! We also came home feeling very spoiled, very appreciative of our choices available with thoughts and discussions of how we can help others in this very big and diverse world. It is humbling to see how others live gracefully and peacefully with so little material things – definitely changes your perspective! We are thankful to all the volunteers who give up their lives to help and teach, it is incredibly inspiring! Thank you Joel for lighting up our lives with your incredible spirit and your village with your humor and love!
Early 30th birthday dinner
Thanks again to my wonderful family for traveling to the opposite side of the world to visit me (for the second time…Australia, 2004!). And now a couple notes about their visit from my side of things:
The day my family would arrive, they would not get in until 11:00pm. In the morning I packed and cleaned up my room, as instructed by my host mother, as we planned for my parents to sleep in my room. I swept up good and organized, but Knick, Knit, Tee, and my host mom soon came to the cleaning party and we tore that place apart! We took down everything, wiped down the walls, floors and ceiling with wash clothes, did full loads of laundry, then reassembled the place.
K’nick sweeping my room
K’nit, K’nick, and Tee washing down the walls of my room
With the help of some of the cousins we made a large paper sign for greeting the family at the airport. The kids drew spectacular pictures, and Knit drew pictures on my whiteboard to leave in my room for a surprise welcome at the house.
Emptying my room to clean for parents visit.
Cousins making welcome posters for the family
After lunch, I biked into Siem Reap. 10 minutes down the road I had a flat tire. I had a decent walk to the market to patch it, but a man along the road side told me about a nearby house that patched tires. The bike shop family was very friendly and I waited out a quick rainstorm in their thatched shop. Soaking wet from a second rain storm, I dripped into our Siem Reap Hotel and checked in. Straight to the shower. I blasted The Beatles from my laptop as I sang in the hot water, when I wanted more volume, I reached out to crank it full blast…in the process I dripped some water on my keyboard killing the “T” and “Y” keys. It was a nuisance, but was able to get it fixed after our vacation.
Mom, Chels, Dad and I in the pouring rain in Ta Prom Temple.
I got to the airport around 10:00pm, but my family’s flight came in 40 minutes behind schedule so I anxiously waited on the curb. As the minute arrived, I waited at the gate with my large colorful sign, much to the delight of all the drivers waiting to pick up arriving guests. I explained my situation and my sign to them in Khmer, and every time a group of beautiful flight attendants came through they asked if that was my family and we all had a good laugh.
Bren napping in Ankor Wat
The next day we sampled local fruits from the market, ventured around, ate great food, and in the evening went to the Phare, Cambodian Circus for another spectacular performance, they really are an incredible troupe. I literally found myself tearing up watching their two person juggling routine.
When we made it to my village, Host Mom had gone even further and pulled my sisters king size mattress up into the house for my siblings and I to sleep on, and strung up a long white sheet in the house to separate off an area for us. So many village health volunteers and friends came to visit, it was one thing right into the next, no breaks, no rest, my family did awesome, they never once complained and kept trucking through. My host mom outdid herself, as usual, with her food, huge portions of the most delicious Cambodian food for both lunch and dinner, although Brendan over did it on the hot sauce a little bit! At my tutor’s house the family had a chance to see “bra-hock” or fermented fish paste. I wanted them to smell it and maybe try a smidge, but much to everyone’s shock, they each took a healthy portion before sizing it up and all ate at the same time and all got that stinky pungent fish blast at the same time, talk about a good laugh!
Family and some village health volunteers who stopped over
My uncle, the tuk-tuk driver took us to a local pagoda to check out the interior paintings and the ancient temple. He is a great man and was very patient with them and they mutually respected each other, it was wonderful to observe their interactions together.
Uncle Hooah in Ankor Wat
In the evening my parents took bucket showers! Awesome! During the night, my mom and sister were even brave enough to use chamber pots (pee buckets for use at night because the bathroom is far away). I’ve never been prouder of my family for how open and willing they were for everything, I came from a pretty good stock!
One of my highlights was my mom and my host mom having a heart-to-heart in the house as we were saying goodbyes. Although they were translating through me, they were looking into each others eyes when they talked, and it was obvious that a mother’s love transcends the language barrier. I felt blessed to be in the presence of these two wonderful women, both of whom I call “Mom”.
Aunt Lee, American Mother, Cambodian Mother
Vietnam was interesting, I was immediately reminded of what it is like not to be able to speak the language. DaNang was a modern city and the resort we stayed at was lavish…lagoon pool, two infinity pools, and the ocean. Between a few bouts of travelers sickness, we mostly hung around the resort, relaxed, and spent precious time together. Mom, Bren and I bused over to the ancient port town of “Hoi An” and walked around checking out some ancient buildings and bridges, and fending off sellers.
Ancient bridge
Brendan, Dad, and I took a day trip. First to marble mountain where we saw some spectacular carvings in progress. Then to “Ba Na Hill” home of the Guinness World Record for both the longest cable car and the highest cable car…think cool ski lift to the top of a mountain. At the summit we saw a pagoda (where Brendan rang the bell and ran), a ornate garden complete with hedge maze, a 60 foot tall Buddha statue and even an amusement park! That’s right, an amusement park on the top of this mountain! Some of the rides were free, we played for a good while, Dad dominated the bumper cars. Outside we rode down an alpine slide with a magnificent view. Our guide/translator, “Hip”, did a wonderful job and took excellent care of us.
Marble sculpting
Daddy-o and I
View from the skycar
Garden on the mountain
Garden with a view
Bren, Dad and I with the 28 meter high Buddha
Bren moments before he rang the bell
Amusement park on the mountain
Dad and “hip” having a heart-to-heart
“drop” ride in the amusement park
Dad on the alpine slide
Alpine slide
DaNang city has some cool bridges. Suspension bridges with a light show along the suspension cables, but the coolest was the dragon bridge. An arch/suspension bridge, but integrated into the structure was a massive steel dragon (see pictures below). Every Saturday and Sunday night large crowds gather on and around the bridge for a spectacle. At 9:00pm, the dragon shoots fire from it’s mouth a few times, and sprays water from it’s mouth a few times. Pretty wild. Besides one other couple, we were the only foreigners we saw in a crowd of thousands…It’s a good reminder to know what it’s like to be the minority.
Dragon Bridge
Dragon bridge shooting fire
Dragon bridge spraying water
Bridge light show
Because most of our meals were spent in the confines of the resort, Brendan and I wandered the streets one night looking for some local grub. We sat down in plastic chairs on the street side and threw back some grilled pork, rice, soup and a coke…all for $4.50!
The trip went fast, as I knew it would. When we flew back into Siem Reap, the family had a 5 hour layover, so we intended to hang out for a little bit and say goodbyes. Instead, they directed me to customs, and the family was to go to a separate area where they would wait for their connecting flight. And so, our goodbyes were quick and to the point, all hugs and smiles. It was probably for the better that we had to pull that metaphorical band aid quickly, but it’s always hard to walk away from family.
Saying goodbyes
The last time i’ll see my family for another year. So lucky to have had them come visit!
I spent one more night in Siem Reap. Picked up my bicycle from the bike store full with new components (thanks Peace Corps, for allowing us to keep our bikes well maintained!) and hit the post office and got a package from my loving grandmother, Nanny. Balloon animal kits, modeling clay, beef jerky, smarties, magazines, and what else? Nanny’s famous homemade chocolate chip cookies. An efficient bike and a bag full of snacks, not a bad way to head back to site after the family visit. My journal sums up the feeling well: “So here goes nothing…year 2…lots more experiences await me, may it be every bit as challenging, rewarding and funny!!!”
Joely the Goalie 